Etiquette for Mistresses

November 13, 2008

etiquette for mistressesIt was a few months ago when i stumbled upon the title “Etiquette for Mistresses” by Julie Yap Daza on the self-help section of National Bookstore.  Astonished that such a book existed, curiosity got the better of me and I ended up buying the book.  Already aware of Ms. Daza’s talent for TV hosting I wanted to find out if she was equally good in writing.


Since it was first published in 1993 the book already has had 11 reprints.  Personally I was blown over the number of stories the author was able to collect. Truly the world holds many secrets and apparently, mistresses. Like it or not, there is no denying that these women are a part of today’s society.


Here are the 28 rules for the No. 2s:


1.         Mistress is not Mrs. Know your place.


2.         Even if he tells you he loves you more than his wife, don’t let that     go to your head.


3.         Mistresses should be ready to give up Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, New Years Day,    Holy Week and his birthday.


4.         Befriend his secretary but avoid all contact with his driver.

5.         As tempting as it seems, don’t patronize the wife’s beauty parlor, jewelry shop, dress shop or father confessor.


6.         Don’t call him, wait for him to call.


7.         To be seen with him in public once is risky. The second time could be fatal to one of you. The third time is the end for both of you.


8.         Never believe, and never say anything unfriendly about his wife, not even if he recites a litany of her faults.


9.         Mistresses are kept by rich men. But a mistress who is a woman of substance and independent means is better. (translation: Don’t ask him for     money)


10.    Be discreet. (Make sure he is not the type who talks in his sleep)


11.    Never travel together.


12.    When he breaks a date, charge it to fate, not his fecklessness.


13.    Wives have their own networks of spies and amigas. It is helpful for the mistress to have your own. A chaperone is not a good idea, however. (Chaperones are passé. Besides they talk.)


14.    Mistresses don’t complain.


15.    Being no. 2, the mistress tries harder.


16.    Send him home as soon as it becomes apparent that he’s overstaying.


17.    It is practical for a mistress to be linked to another man, preferably her lover’s friend.


18.    If he’s a public man and you’re thinking of staging an accident of running into him, think: How many accidents can I pull off in one month?


19.    Don’t make unnecessary enemies of his children.


20.    Remind him to pay for everything in cash – dinner, flowers, perfume, champagne, pearls, diamonds, a microwave oven, etc.


21.    Don’t use tears as a weapon’ He’s probably had enough of that from the Mrs.


22.    Resist the urge to be found out.


23.    Perish all thought that someday you will be No. 1.


24.    Married men who keep mistresses don’t like surprises, as a rule.


25.    A man with a mistress leads a double life, his mistress only a half life. Cheer up!  A career will make you whole.


26.    Resist the urge to shower him with gifts. Evidence, evidence…!


27.    When in doubt, disappear.


28.    When all else fails, leave him.


There is much to be learned from this book, it has helped me see the mistress as a person, moreover a woman just like me. Oftentimes the blame falls on them, but in truth they are also the victims of men’s perverse doings.  We must not be too quick in passing judgment after all not all of them are bitches and gold diggers.  Love is such a messy business and No, all is not fair in love.


I could not bring myself to blame the wife either, it’s not her fault if she becomes losyang and is not as slim and pretty as she was before. When you have kids to take care of and a house to run who has time to go to the salon? Even if she manages to stay pretty and sexy, will that be an assurance that the husband will not look at another woman? Men, they are never satisfied. And that’s the reason why they should never marry.

Honestly who do they think they are, Don Juan de Marco? That they must pursue every woman they fancy? How many of them do it for love? To have a young thing that they can play with and display is purely egoistic. And yes, most of them find the idea of leading a double life quite appealing and exhilarating.

Sadly we live in a world that justifies men’s womanizing. Nowadays it’s considered normal. How many times have I heard this among wives: So he has a mistress, boys will be boys. What’s important is that he still goes home to you. Truly women are martyrs, selfless creatures – silly really. We should erect monuments in honor of them. But seriously, we should not treat men as kings and give in to their every whim. They are our equal; they are not the better sex.

To the mistress, life with another woman’s husband is only temporary. Do what you must but use your mind above your heart. Follow the 28 rules. To the wives, do not blame yourselves; do not give everything to your husband, leave some for yourself and your children, self respect specially.



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